Radiant Souls
by TheocTopodes
Summary: Rose loves him. She also loves her family, and Mickey, but... she loves him more. How will he learn to come to terms with feelings he can't understand or reciprocate? Slightly AU No Captain Jack , Rose/Nine


A/N: Doctor Who does not belong to me in the slightest of forms. I picked a place in the first season of the new series (set of series) and set it slightly AU, where neither of them met Captain Jack. We meet up with the Ninth Doctor and Rose right after the TARDIS turns the last Slitheen chick back into an egg.

This was going to be a one shot, but now that I have a place to keep going to I just might. I'm excited to see where this goes between them... I'm only partway into the second season, and Eccleston is still my favorite!

He doesn't like it when she cries. Rose is a tough old girl, he would never dare say otherwise, and the sound of her sobs moved him. Nearly broke his hearts…one of them, at least.

She'd come in earlier, just in time to be held captive by the last member of the Slitheen family and to witness her rebirth. Nothing too strange, in light of what they'd done in previous adventures. She'd looked beautiful, in the light from the soul of the TARDIS. He hadn't even meant to look at her... part of his charm was being able to ignore her when there were bigger things going on. Well, maybe just when he knew she wasn't in any immediate danger. Just by being in the room his attention was snagged and he had seen her, young and beautiful and amazingly passionate and just…fantastic. So radiant he'd had to look away.

Right after that moment he'd thought they shared she'd gone off again, gone from him. Back to Mickey. Then back to him, like a yo-yo. He usually didn't mind - much - but this time she'd obviously been crying when she came in, and his unnatural cheerful act failed to make her smile, like it usually did.

The Doctor was no good at emotions. He felt them, sure. Had two hearts and had watched them both break. Expressed them, even. Justice was one he thought he had captured particularly well. Revenge, sorrow, loss... it was not easy, trying to understand love.

The Doctor hid himself away for a few hours, knowing that usually when Rose got this way all it took was a few hours of sleep and she was bright and cheerful again. But whenever the TARDIS quieted for a moment or two, even rarely as it did, he could hear every hitch in her breath as she cried in her room.

He finally got up, needing to see her, needing to comfort her even though he knew it would be a wasted effort before it even started. He was the Doctor... he needed to try anyway.

He walked to her corner of the ship and stood in front of her door, hands jammed deeply in his pockets as he paced back and forth. Her last words before they had taken off rang in his ears - "He deserves better." They'd broken up, then. She and Mickey. His hearts thrummed with conflicting emotions. Was this…was this joy he felt? Surely not. He should be miserable now that there was nothing stopping her misplaced affections. Pity? The poor thing had nothing to go back to, now. He was sure that Mickey couldn't handle her being so flighty.

Ha! Flighty. Like on the TARDIS!

He made one more rotation, did a face heel turn, and saw her door open.

Her eyes were red and bleary but she still looked beautiful and the Doctor was entirely in his element - caught off guard with a grin on his face and without a plan in the world.

"I hear you, laughing to yourself out here," she said. "What is it, Doctor?"

"I heard you, well, you know."

"What, crying?"

He snapped his fingers. "That's the one. And I thought to myself, what in the blazes would Rose be doing that for? So I came over here and-"

"And walked in front of my door until I heard you and opened it. Now, Doctor, why are you here?" She leaned against the door, but the tears had stopped and now she showed only thinly veiled anger. That was good. Better! He could deal with anger.

"Just wanted to tell you not to be so hasty. Nicky is a fine guy, really."

"Mickey!" Spots of color were rising in her cheeks. How was it that she was even more beautiful when she was flustered?

He waved his hands. "Sure, sure. Mickey." He wasn't sure how he managed it but he pushed right past her into her room and she followed him, arms crossed, letting the door close behind her. "All I'm saying is, don't give up so easily. Someday you might regret letting him go, you know."

She dabbed at her eyes. "Don't say that, Doctor," she said.

"Why not?"

"You know why not."

He seated himself on the edge of her bed with a grimace and laced his fingers. This was exactly what he hadn't wanted to bring up. "Are you sure you want to do this, Rose Tyler?" he asked quietly. "Are you really sure?"

She sighed and sat next to him on the bed. Not so close that they were touching, but so close that he could touch her if only he extended one hand a little further.

"Of course I am." She was the first one to initiate contact, then, reaching out one hand with her long, slender fingers and resting it on top of his own. Her hand was warm and wonderfully human and she made his hearts beat faster every time she was near him.

He gently pulled his hand out from under hers. "I don't think this is wise." He saw tears threaten in her eyes again and hastily added, "for either of us. Come on, Rose. I know you love him."

"Yes, but…"

He willed her not to say it aloud. Begged her. But she couldn't stay silent and he was a fool for hoping. She was a nineteen year old human girl and he knew enough about humans to understand precisely what was going on in her mind.

"But I love you too," she said, and then was silent.

The Doctor sighed. "It doesn't work that way."

"I love you more."

He fought the urge to stand up, to pace, to run his hands through his hair and take out his frustrations on anything he could. She didn't know any better, and it was madness to expect her to. It wasn't her fault that she made him feel this way. It was his for letting her get so deep under his skin.

"Don't do this," he said, and then he did get up. He needed to get up, to get out. Back to working on whatever he could pretend needed to be fixed this time. She was silent as he took a couple of steps away from her, and was completely composed when he finally mustered the courage to turn around and look at her.

"You're right. I'm sorry." Her eyes were dry, if a little red, and she wiped her nose on her sleeve. His hearts melted for her.

He could have said anything at that moment. There were thousands of lines, all whirling around in his brain, every one perfectly suitable. He didn't say any of them.

"Right then." He paused, only once, at the door. She watched his every move, and he wondered what had changed between them. When it had all changed. "So... where to next?"

She smiled. "You know, I have been craving a spot of tea."

"Oh, fantastic! You know, I've been thinking about China. Let's say... mmm, pick a number between negative forty thousand and three thousand, six hundred and twelve."

"What happened in 3,612?"

"Great question! Let's find out, shall we?"

She laughed and followed him out when he paraded grandly back to the console room. He grinned like a madman, caught up in her laughter and all too ready to play the fool if that's what made her happy.

Inside he was in turmoil. He was already in too deep with her. This one, this girl, this human girl, made him feel things he had never felt before. And now, she belonged to no one. No one but him.


End file.
